


Set Yourself on Fire

by ikuzonos



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, F/F, Multi, Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7719430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikuzonos/pseuds/ikuzonos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“The cigarettes you light one after another won’t help you forget her," Sayaka said softly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Mukuro scowled, "I'm really not in the mood for Frank Sinatra quotes, thanks."</em>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Checking her sister into a psychiatric hospital was one of Mukuro's wiser decisions, but it's one that she's come to regret. Her past is something that she clings desperately to, despite the darkness of it. Even with her friends to support her, Mukuro doesn't feel comfortable letting go of Junko, or the past they shared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Visiting day. 

It was simultaneously Mukuro’s favourite and least favourite day of the month. She both dreaded the arrival of the fifteenth, and she awaited it with anticipation. This September was no different than any other month. And just like any other month, Mukuro dragged herself downtown to the ward on Karasuma street.

As she filled out the form, she glanced idly around the waiting room. A redhead with her hands pressed together sat in the corner, her shoulders hunched. A blonde boy and a silver haired girl sat close together on the other side of the room, occasionally whispering to each other.

Mukuro bit her lip, and then quickly went back to the form. She still had one last question to fill, how long would she be here today? To be safe, she filled in the ‘two hours’ bubble, and returned the form to the lavender haired woman behind the protective glass.

The woman examined Mukuro’s form carefully, then nodded, and produced a plastic visitor’s tag. Mukuro fastened it to her shirt.

The woman pointed a gloved hand, “Please take a seat. A guard will be with you shortly.”

“Thank you,” Mukuro said, and walked into the sitting area. The yellow plastic chair was as uncomfortable as ever, but she resigned herself to it. She wouldn’t have to wait very long.

The large doors opened, and a guard appeared, “Koizumi! Koizumi Mahiru!”

Mukuro winced. There were only two guards that worked with the visitors, a strict, rules oriented guard, who often yelled at the visitors, and a taller, gruff guard, who wasn’t particularly sociable, but he was sympathetic. Today, it was the strict guard.

The redheaded girl scrambled to her feet, and shuffled towards the doors, which slammed shut behind the two with a tremendous noise.

No matter how many times she convinced herself that this was different, it still felt like she was visiting a prison. Mukuro had only done that a few times, and it was when she was much younger, but the atmosphere felt the same.

She sat in silence, rubbing her fingers over the hem of her shirt, until the guard came back, calling out, “Ikusaba! Ikusaba Mukuro!”

Mukuro stood up, and walked towards the guard, hoping not to trip on the uneven concrete floor again.

She followed the guard through a narrow set of hallways, until they came to a small room. The guard swiped a keycard across a mechanism on the wall, and the door clicked open.

“In you go,” the guard said.

Mukuro nodded, and stepped inside the brightly lit room. There wasn’t much in the room besides an ugly yellow table, and two identically ugly yellow chairs.

Mukuro settled herself down, and drummed her fingers on the table. The sound of the clock on the wall ticking, coupled with her fingers, was the only noise in the room, until a door on the far wall slid open. First came out the other guard, and then the person that Mukuro had waited so long to see.

“Sis!”

Mukuro nearly fell to the floor. Junko had thrown herself at her, and knocked the wind out of her.

“I missed you so much!” Junko cried, holding Mukuro in a tight hug.

Mukuro smiled, “I missed you too.”

“Oi, Enoshima, you’re crushing her.”

Junko released her hold on Mukuro, and sat down on the other side of the table, while Mukuro carefully regained her balance.

Her sister looked different every time Mukuro saw her, but this time, Junko looked more like she had when she’d first arrived in the ward. Last month, her roots were turning back to their natural red, but she was all blonde again.

“They let you have hair dye in here?” Mukuro asked.

Junko giggled, “Reward for good behavior. Oowada snuck it in for me, since I’m his favourite.”

“You’re not my favourite,” the guard - Oowada - grumbled, “And don’t go blabbin’, if Ishimaru finds out, I’m fuckin’ dead.”

“Won’t say a word to him, cross my heart!” Junko cried.

Mukuro rolled her eyes.

Junko focused back on Mukuro, “It’s so good to see you! You look so different, oh my gosh!”

Mukuro didn’t think she looked particularly different, but she supposed it was because she saw her reflection every day.

“Do I really?” she said softly, “Tell me, Junko-chan. Is everything alright here? Are you doing okay?”

Junko nodded, “Yeah, actually! I don’t have to wear restraints out of my room anymore, and I actually made a friend!”

Mukuro smiled, “I’m so glad.”

She’d been worried that Junko wouldn’t be able to connect with anyone else, so it was a weight off her shoulders.

“Who are they?”

“His name is Izuru Kamukura,” Junko said, “He’s really aloof most of the time, but he’s fun to be around, and I get to braid his hair when he’s in a good mood!”

_ Well, it’s better than last month when her only friend was the guard she has a crush on. _

Junko said, “Okay, but what about you, Muku-chan? Last month, you told me you were looking for flatmates, cause you couldn’t make rent on your own. Any luck?”

_ She remembered… _

Mukuro nodded, “Yes, I have two now, Ryouko Otonashi and Sayaka Maizono.”

“How’d you meet ‘em, huh?” Junko asked.

“Well, Otonashi-san heard from a friend,” Mukuro said, “And Maizono-san…”

Mukuro bit the inside of her cheek, remembering how she’d met Sayaka.

It had not been her finest hour.

-

At least the only one there to see her have a mental breakdown was the cat.

Mukuro had been crying in the city park for about ten minutes now, still in agony over her own decision. 

“What kind of a sister am I?!” Mukuro cried, burying her head in her hands, “Junko-chan must secretly hate me for this, I'm sure of it.”

“Meow?”

Mukuro turned to the cat sitting on the bench next to her, “Oh, just shut up! You have no idea what this is like, have you ever betrayed your own family?”

The cat gave her an indignant glare, but head butted her arm, and nuzzled its way into her lap. 

Mukuro rolled her eyes, “You have it so easy, you know? All you have to do is look cute, and someone will take pity on you. I've been through so much shit, and nobody even looks at me twice, unless they need something.”

The cat made a disgruntled noise. 

Mukuro said, “Yeah, I'm sure. Listen, all you have to do is beg, and you get more food than you could ever ask for. You've never been in my situation, have you?”

The cat suddenly leapt off her lap with a mild hiss. 

Mukuro frowned, “What did I do to you? I'm sorry that I'm not offering unending sympathy, but I'm going through a lot right now, and nobody will listen to me! Why can't you just  _ listen _ to me for a minute or two?!”

“Um. Excuse me, are you arguing with my cat?”

Mukuro looked up in shock, to see a woman with blue hair and and eyes looking over her. 

“I'm sorry,” Mukuro said, coiling in on herself, “I've had a really long day.”

The woman huffed, and sat down on the bench, “Tell me about it. I'm getting evicted by my old roommate in two days, and there's nothing I can do about it.”

Mukuro said, “That sucks. What happened, if you don't mind me asking?”

“Apparently my cat pisses off  _ her _ cat,” she said, “Let me tell you, Grand Bois-Cheri Ludenberg is the most spoiled, and quite possibly the nastiest cat I've ever met.”

_ That's a mouthful of a name.  _

The woman added, “What happened to you? What made you so distressed that you got into an argument with my idiot cat?”

Mukuro laughed nervously, and threw her head back, “I just visited my sister in the psychiatric hospital. It doesn't look like she's getting better any time soon, and one of her doctors said she was refusing treatment.”

“Oh, that's awful!” 

Mukuro shrugged, “It is what it is.”

They sat in silence for a moment, before Mukuro said, “Hey, did you find a new roommate yet?”

“No,” the woman admitted, “I was going to stay with my friend from high school, but she's overseas. Why?”

Mukuro smiled shyly, “I'm looking for one at the moment.”

The woman’s eyes widened, “And you- Really?”

“Really,” Mukuro said, “I'm Mukuro Ikusaba, it's a pleasure.”

“Sayaka Maizono. I look forward to getting to know you!”

-

Junko tapped Mukuro on the shoulder, “Sis? Sis!”

“Huh?”

Junko said, “You spaced out for a sec. Everything okay? You were gonna tell me how you met Maizono-san…”

Mukuro swallowed, “Craigslist.”

Junko raised an eyebrow, then said, “Huh, okay. I figured it would be a little more interesting than that.”

_ Oh, there is no way in hell that I'm telling her about the argument that I had with Maizono-san’s cat.  _

Mukuro grinned nervously, “Nah. Tell me more about what you’ve been up to. Any luck with that guard?”

Junko’s eyes lit up, “I thought you’d never ask!”

-

The two hours passed far too quickly for Mukuro’s liking. When Oowada cleared his throat, she nearly jumped.

“Yer allotted time is over,” he said.

Mukuro slowly got to her feet, while Junko scrambled to her’s. She hugged Mukuro tightly one last time, before Oowada tugged her away.

Mukuro stepped out through the other door. The other guard was waiting for her, his hands folded neatly behind his back. 

“I'll escort you back now,” he said. 

Mukuro nodded, then said, “Excuse me, but is she getting any better? Is there any hope for a discharge?”

The guard responded, “I'm afraid that information happens to be classified. If you make an appointment with the patient’s doctor, you may be able to receive a satisfactory answer.”

_ Well, that's about what I expected.  _

Mukuro replied, “Alright. Thank you.”

She followed him through the hallways, and back into the waiting room. It was empty now, and Mukuro stood there for a moment and sighed.

After a moment of feeling sorry for herself, Mukuro turned her visitor’s pin in, then fled the building.

“See you next month, Junko-chan,” Mukuro murmured as she left.


	2. Chapter 2

Mukuro hurried along the streets, trying to get back to her flat. She had to work that night, and she wanted to rest a little bit before that.

As she stood on the street corner, Mukuro spotted a silver machine out of the corner of her eye. Her fingers twitched at her sides, and she dug her nails into her thighs.

_ No, don’t give in to the impulse. _

She bit down on her lip, trying to resist, but she gave in anyways. Mukuro approached the shiny cigarette machine, and before she realized what she was doing, she had produced her Taspo card.

The machine read it, and in a matter of seconds, Mukuro was holding a package of cigarettes in her hand.

_ I promised Junko-chan that I would quit… But it’s not like she’ll know, right? _

Mukuro slipped the pack into her coat pocket, and darted across the street.

-

Her heart was pounding by the time she reached her flat. Mukuro’s hands were quaking, and she desperately wanted to get upstairs so she could smoke.

Unfortunately, her landlord was in the way.

“Ah, excuse me, Togami-san,” Mukuro said.

Byakuya Togami owned not only her flat, but several other buildings in the area. He was a member of the Togami conglomerate, and his family was one of the most powerful in Japan.

Mukuro hated his guts.

Togami raised an eyebrow at her as she brushed by him and up the stairs, but said nothing.

Mukuro raced inside her flat and locked the door behind her. It was fairly quiet inside. Music was coming from Sayaka’s room, but she and Ryouko were nowhere in sight.

She moved around the furniture, and pushed the long curtains back, stepping onto the balcony. It was windy out there, and the cutting autumn air bit at her skin.

The view from the balcony was still breathtaking. It looked out over a grassy lot, and a line of trees surrounded it. Off in the distance, Mukuro could spy the tall buildings that made up the most of the city. It was even more beautiful to look at during the night.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the view that Mukuro had come for. She reached into her pocket, and shakily tore open the packet of cigarettes. She held one of them up, and for one moment, she resisted. 

In the next moment, she had her lighter flicked open, and in the moment after, the familiar taste of tobacco was in her mouth.

At first, the taste was ugly, but inhaling the smoke felt refreshing in a way that Mukuro couldn’t ever begin to explain. The rush put her at ease, and she hated to let all the smoke go. It had been too long since she’d smoked.

_ I needed this, I needed this so much. _

“Forgive me, sis,” Mukuro whispered, as she took another puff of the cigarette.

She stood out on the balcony for what felt like ages, the only noise coming from the distant traffic.

“I-Ikusaba-san?”

Mukuro jumped, and spun around, only to lock eyes with Sayaka.

“Please don’t tell Togami-san,” Mukuro said, “I’ll lose the flat if he finds out that I’m smoking.”

Sayaka blinked, then said, “I won’t tell a soul. What’s going on, are you okay?”

Her concern was almost overwhelming. Mukuro hoisted herself onto the balcony railing, and said, “Not really. I… I just got back from visiting my sister.”

Sayaka’s eyes widened, “Oh, no wonder you seem so stressed. I-Is she okay?”

Mukuro shrugged, “She seems like it, but it doesn’t feel right. Can… Can you keep a secret?”

“Of course!” Sayaka said.

Mukuro shut her eyes, “Truthfully, I think she’s still mad at me for checking her into the hospital in the first place.”

Sayaka blinked, “You mean, she didn’t voluntarily check herself in?”

Mukuro laughed bitterly, “I pretty much dragged her there, kicking and screaming. She refused my visits initially, kept saying she never wanted to see me again.”

“That's awful,” Sayaka whispered. 

Mukuro inhaled deeply, feeling the nicotine in her lungs, then said, “I hate seeing her like that. I did it for her own good, but she'll never believe that.”

Sayaka nodded, “I understand. It must be hard, I've never really had any family to worry about at all, and certainly not to this extent.”

Mukuro sighed, “It's something you just have to live through.”

They lingered outside in silence as Mukuro finished her cigarette. Finally, she said, “Hey, I need to sleep for a bit, I'm working the late shift. Can you wake me up at six?”

Sayaka nodded, “Sure. Otonashi-san will probably be home by then.”

“Great, thanks,” Mukuro said, and got off the railing.  

She moved through the flat, and into her tiny bedroom, and lay down. 

Her stomach was still in knots over her visit, but the cigarette had helped. 

Mukuro’s eyes fluttered shut, and she soon fell into a deep slumber. 

-

“Wake up! Wake up!”

Mukuro groaned and rolled over. Her eyes flickered open to see a face nearly pressed up against her own, and she shot upwards, violently waves her arms at whatever was in front of her.

“Ow! What was that for?!”

Mukuro blinked a few times, to see Ryouko standing a couple feet away from her bed, rubbing her face.

“Oh, Otonashi-san, it’s only you,” Mukuro said, relief washing over her, “I’m sorry, I was startled.”

Ryouko smiled, “It’s okay! Maizono-san told me to come and wake you up, since you…. Um…” She trailed off, and reached into her pocket, producing a small notebook. She flipped through it for a second, before Mukuro decided to finish her sentence.

“I’m working the late shift at the restaurant,” Mukuro replied.

Ryouko looked up, “Right. Sorry, I thought I had that written down in here. Guess I forgot!”

Mukuro resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Ryouko had the worst memory out of anyone that she’d ever met. She knew the redhead couldn’t help it, but it got on her nerves often.

At least she remembered to pay her third of the rent.

Mukuro said, “Well, if you excuse me, I have to get ready.”

Ryouko nodded, and practically bounced out of the room.

Mukuro slowly got to her feet. She was still wearing her coat from earlier, and she looked like a mess.

Quickly, she brushed her hair out, snatched her bag, and left the room. Sayaka was sitting in the kitchen when she passed, and called out.

“Ikusaba-san! Do you want something to eat before you go?”

Mukuro took a moment to consider it. Sayaka had proved to be an excellent cook over the last month, but she didn’t really have time.

“Sorry,” Mukuro said, “If you leave something in the fridge, I’ll eat when I get back.”

Sayaka nodded, “Sure thing. See you!”

Mukuro waved, then stepped out of the flat and into the dark hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this ended up going up earlier than I thought. (Warning for DR Zero spoilers)
> 
> Couple things:   
> \- Taspo is a special card in Japan that's used to buy cigarettes from vending machines. You have to apply for them using government approved ID, and you have to be over 20 years old to receive the card.  
> \- Yes, there's a reason that Ryouko and Junko are different people, it will become apparent later.  
> \- I have never smoked. If that one scene where Mukuro is smoking is inaccurate, please let me know.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, I hope you all have a fantastic day!


	3. Chapter 3

The restaurant was a fair ways into town, but close enough that it was still within walking distance of the flat. A subway line ran in the direction of it, but it wasn’t late enough to need it. No, Mukuro would save taking the train for when she finished her shift, for then it would be pitch black outside.

It was still slow when Mukuro arrived, which gave her enough time to slip into her uniform, snatch her notebook, and meet her co-workers right outside the kitchen, right before the dinner wave.

She and Leon exchanged curt nods, before heading out to serve the people that were filtering into the restaurant.

“Hello, my name is Ikusaba, and I will be your server tonight.”

-

By eleven o’clock that night, the restaurant was empty. Mukuro was still picking up the various dishes, but everyone besides her, Leon, and Naegi had filtered out at one point or another.

As she dropped off the last pile of dishes, Mukuro called out, “Hey, Kuwata, Naegi! I gotta run, can you finish up without me?”

“No problem!” Naegi responded.

“Thank you!”

Mukuro tossed her uniform and notebook back into the cubbyhole in the back of the kitchen, and fled the building through the back door.

It was dark outside, the only light coming from the single orange streetlight in the back lot. Mukuro shivered, the icy air biting at her face. It would only get worse come winter.

She glanced around, looking for the hole in the fence that she always climbed through as a shortcut to the train station. 

_ Where is it? _

Mukuro searched, but it was nowhere in sight. It appeared that the management had finally fixed the fence, and it was too high for her climb over. Disgruntled, Mukuro shoved her hands in her pockets, and went around the side of the building, engulfing herself in the shadows.

A few other people were lurking around the streets that Mukuro raced through, but none of them bothered her. She made it to the station just in the nick of time, and hopped on the last train of the night. The subway moved swiftly through the night, as no people were waiting at the stations along the way. 

The only other passenger was an older man who wore a white hat and suit, and had a very obvious flask sticking out of his breast pocket. He appeared to be sound asleep, but Mukuro made sure she was sitting far away from him anyways.

Her stop seemed to be farther away than normal. Perhaps it was the odd snores of the man across the car, or the bright lights inside the train contrasting with the darkness outside, but it felt as if she had been riding on the train for a very long time.

Mukuro's stop finally came into view, and she quickly departed, casting one last glance to the sleeping man, before stepping onto the cold platform. 

Streets lit only by dim lamplight, Mukuro hurried home. It was horribly cold for September, and she wanted to be in the comfort of her flat as soon as she could. 

Luckily, the train station was close to the apartment building. One of the downsides to this was the constant sound of trains coming and going, but in Mukuro's mind, it was better than having to walk all the way from the restaurant. 

The lobby was thankfully empty when she arrived, and Mukuro silently ascended the stairs. The door was unlocked, and Mukuro smiled, glad to not have to dig for her key. 

It was dark inside her flat, except for the light that shine above the stove. Ryouko was sitting at the kitchen table, papers spread all over, and was rubbing her temples. 

Mukuro shut the door behind her, “Otonashi-san? What are you doing up?”

Ryouko looked up, “Hi… Ikusaba-san. I'm studying.”

_ She paused. Please tell me she didn't forget my name.  _

Mukuro replied, “At this hour? I mean, it's nearly midnight. Don't you have class in the morning?”

“An exam,” Ryouko said, “They won't let me have my notebook during it, so I have to know everything.”

Mukuro smiled, “Do you want me to quiz you?”

Ryouko said, “Please!”

“One condition,” Mukuro responded, “You go right to bed after, and you don't wake up early to do more studying.”

Ryouko nodded, “I promise. I'll even write it down in my notebook so that I remember!”

She quickly scribbled it down. Mukuro kept herself from sighing, but she knew that the redhead didn't have much hope. It was a miracle that she hadn't been thrown out of her school yet.

She opened the fridge to see what had been left for her. There was a plate of spaghetti under some plastic wrap, with a note taped to it. 

_ Ikusaba-san! _

_ This is for you! Make sure you eat this!!! _

_ -Maizono _

Mukuro chuckled. Sayaka's concern for her wellbeing was appreciated. 

She took the plate out of the fridge, unwrapped it, and came over to sit with Ryouko.

“You're gonna eat cold spaghetti?” Ryouko asked, raising an eyebrow.

Mukuro shrugged, “I'd probably wake Maizono-san if I turned on the microwave.”

Ryouko shrugged. 

Mukuro picked up one of the papers, and began asking Ryouko various questions. She got about half of them right, which Mukuro surmised would be enough. 

It was one in the morning by the time they stopped. Ryouko rushed off to her room to rest, and Mukuro sighed. 

At least she didn't have work again tomorrow. 

Junko was still on her mind. Her sister, whom she loved more than life itself, could still be angry with her.

_ What will I do if one day, she simply doesn’t want to see me anymore? _

Mukuro shook the thought from her mind, “Don’t be ridiculous. You need to get a grip, and stop thinking like this.”

She got up from the table, and walked down the hall, into her room. Exhaustion was setting in again, and she could feel herself getting weaker.

Mukuro lay down, her eyelids heavy, and fell into a quiet, dreamless sleep.

Tomorrow would be a better day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took forever but hey here's a kizakura cameo


End file.
